The Monster Horse: This offspring of an Idahoan farm has been shown at rodeos and demolition derbies from Maine to California. Her real name is Gwenivere. She had a terrible accident as a small colt, and her owners (The FargenMcHouthenburgers) were asked if they wanted to put her down. They decided to fight on and replace her now missing legs with monster truck tires! Gwen The Monster Horse has been clocked at 84 mph, and is very hard to cage. She is quite the rebellious horse. She brings joy or tears to all who behold her. She's also available for birthday parties. You may contact the FargenMcHouthenburger family at fargenmchouthenburgerfamilyfarms.com/gwen/.
Pine Lobsters are the only known variety of lobster to roam in alpine forests. Most frequently found in and around the Chilean-Argentine Andes, these vicious crustaceans eat the sap found inside the trees of southern Chile. There is anecdotal evidence of their 2000 mile journeys that they make every winter, somehow managing to return just before the summer. They've been spotted in such fancy locales as Dubai, United Arab Emirates and Bali, Indonesia! This is one crustacean you WON'T find on the menu at any restaurant. It CANNOT be killed by any known human method! It only dies when it feels like it! Don't mess!
The elusive "rabbumber" is known to roam only in the forests of West Virginia. It frequently dines on smaller rodents and has a morbid fear of McDonand's restaurants. The rabbumber is known to stop functioning after 10:30pm, and refuses to continue to handle it's late-night work schedule. It also enjoys bungee jumping. The pickled variety (Rabbumbus picklus) is particularly aggressive.
Waffadactyl: The most fearsome of all flying breakfastsaurs. He's said to have been in a constant search for maple trees, and smaller breakfastsaurs like trisausagetops and Tyrannosaurus Bacon. He supposedly met his maker when a powdered-sugar-toothed tiger decided to give him a taste. This species was believed to have lived from 68 to 66 million years ago.
Volume 1, Issue 1
February 22, 2008
Random Combos, by Jeff Ricks
